Great 'zard of '10.

I saw a funny man
Out in this winter dream.
He braved a foot of snow
Just to buy ice cream.

I have to take a break,
If planes might start to fly.
I have to go get warm,
Until next week, bye-bye.

Happy New Year!

How to survive a blizzard.

I cannot write; the wind
It knocks the thoughts out of my head.
I will stay inside and
Buy beach clothes online instead.

Special Guest Author.

This Christmas we are featuring a limerick by special guest author, Karl:

The temperature fell like a brick,
Turned water to ice extra quick,
I started to shiver,
Then down the East River
Walked reindeer with sleigh and St. Nick!

Christmas Eve

'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the land
All the kids hope that Santa
Gets past the doorman

Toddler Haiku

Teach them everything
Kids see the world differently
Boys can wear Tutus

Ode to Devil Dogs.

Devil Dogs,
disks of pleasure.
Or Whoopie Pies;
always named
for something
we cannot admit
we desire.
Oh sweet stickiness,
Oh crumb,
Oh sin.

2012

The world might end in just 2 years;
The Mayan due date coming near.

With a thought of this disaster,
Maybe I'll start writing faster.

That said, I hope we have some fun,
Before we explode from the sun.

So,

Into another drink we delve;
We've only got 'till twenty-twelve.

Happy Solstice-Eclipse!

Not since 1638 has timing been so keen!
If you want to see this one, get up at 3:15.

Yule Blog: Dyker Heights.

If you want electric cheer,
there's some on every inch.
Penguins, spongebob, mickey mouse;
I even saw a grinch.

If you love the holidays,
And want to decorate,
There are many many things,
The cheerful can inflate.

Up and down the hilly blocks
The night shines green and red.
And the happiest ones of all
Are probably ConEd.

Maybe all this twinkling is
A way to just compete
With Josh and Heidi Hansen,
Who live just down the street.

But.

We spend all day ignoring
The strangers that may be;
But we put up all this joy
for all those folks to see.

Charitable Donations Limerick.

I made my donations today.
Like Santa I packed up my sleigh.
I like to do good,
Not sure if I would,
If at tax time it just didn't pay.

Yule Blog: Candy Canes

I'm grown up now, and so
My conscience made me take a look.
A candy cane has 40 cal.;
That's less than a cookie.

Out of Transit: Eavesdropping on Subway Musicians

New York City subways have a
Range of good guitars.
One guy has a whole piano,
One just plays sitar.

Two men got on at 34th,
going north to play.
Another one at 42,
63rd today.

I learned that daylight isn't safe,
Making players fear,
But after 5 or 6 or so,
Cops like what they hear.

So if you play a kettle drum,
Cello or trombone,
Be sure to pick a midnight shift;
They'll leave you alone.

Yule Blog: 12 Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas,

New York gave to me

The Statue of Liberty.

On the second day of Christmas,

New York gave to me

Two Christmas trees,

and the Statue of Liberty.

On the third day of Christmas,

New York gave to me

Three knock-offs,

Two Christmas trees,

and the Statue of Liberty.

On the fourth day of Christmas,

New York gave to me

Four chocolate coins,

Three knock-offs,

Two Christmas trees,

and the Statue of Liberty.

On the fifth day of Christmas,

New York gave to me

Five sample sales,

Four chocolate coins,

Three knock-offs,

Two Christmas trees,

and the Statue of Liberty.

On the sixth day of Christmas,

New York gave to me

Six panettones,

Five sample sales,

Four chocolate coins,

Three knock-offs,

Two Christmas trees,

and the Statue of Liberty.

On the seventh day of Christmas,

New York gave to me

Seven eggnog lattes,

Six panettones,

Five sample sales,

Four chocolate coins,

Three knock-offs,

Two Christmas trees,

and the Statue of Liberty.

On the eighth day of Christmas,

New York gave to me

Eight funny bloggers,

Seven eggnog lattes,

Six panettones,

Five sample sales,

Four chocolate coins,

Three knock-offs,

Two Christmas trees,

and the Statue of Liberty.

On the ninth day of Christmas,

New York gave to me

Nine drunken Santas,

Eight funny bloggers,

Seven eggnog lattes,

Six panettones,

Five sample sales,

Four chocolate coins,

Three knock-offs,

Two Christmas trees,

and the Statue of Liberty.

On the tenth day of Christmas,

New York gave to me

Ten freezing hipsters,

Nine drunken Santas,

Eight funny bloggers,

Seven eggnog lattes,

Six panettones,

Five sample sales,

Four chocolate coins,

Three knock-offs,

Two Christmas trees,

and the Statue of Liberty.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,

New York gave to me

Eleven huge menorahs,

Ten freezing hipsters,

Nine drunken Santas,

Eight funny bloggers,

Seven eggnog lattes,

Six panettones,

Five sample sales,

Four chocolate coins,

Three knock-offs,

Two Christmas trees,

and the Statue of Liberty.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,

New York gave to me

Free alt-side parking,

Eleven huge menorahs,

Ten freezing hipsters,

Nine drunken Santas,

Eight funny bloggers,

Seven eggnog lattes,

Six panettones,

Five sample sales,

Four chocolate coins,

Three knock-offs,

Two Christmas trees,

and the Statue of Liberty.

Toddler Haiku

bring the outside in

nature's treasures, why are they

in my top desk drawer

Toddler Haiku

i saw a client

i forgot about my hands

temporary tattoos

S'mores at 3 a.m.

That building should be burned by now,

It should be almost done.

And then that damn alarm should stop,

That started half-past one.

Bernie Madoff.

I would have likely made some fun,

But now I won't, he lost a son.

It's complicated, what people deserve.

My hat.

A good friend made this hat for me,

My cozy winter one.

She knitted it with skill, and yarn

Through which our friendship runs.

Sometimes there are other hats

That really catch my eye.

Like ones with little rhinestones,

Or brand new shapes to try.

But I never buy those hats

Because I've found it's true,

A bought hat is not half as good

As one made just for you.

More Blog on Nog.

I've been frequenting Starbucks this holiday season;

Those darn eggnog lattes are always the reason.

I've been spending five bucks on those charming red cups,

But I can't afford gifts if I keep all this up.

Then my Starbucks card ran out one day,

And then I really couldn't pay,

So it pains me much to say:

Though little green elves are good with the foam,

I can mix nog and coffee at home.

(And maybe add Brandy, Rum or Whiskey.)

Naughty or Nice?

Santa used to come to town

To watch and have a look.

To see if you've been bad this year

He'll just look at Facebook.

Nog.

This year I checked the internet,

On wiki, sites and blogs.

I can't recall what kind of booze

Makes a yummy egg nog.

The internet says you can use

Brandy, Rum or Whiskey.

I don't know which one I will choose;

I might just try all three.

It begins.

12/1/10

Welcome to my valiant project

A poem a day for a year or so

Likely some will be totally rejects

But wtf, why not? Time’s ticking you know…

I’m not sure what the topics will be,

Probably mostly just everyday stuff

Like bank accounts, salads, CDOs, novels,

DVRs, ipads and Marshmallow fluff,

The world of today as I see it each day

The things I think about

An unbiased voice cause I’m not getting paid

Though if you were my sponsor I’d give you a shout!

12/2/10

Book Club

I have to pick the book next time

And I really hope they all like mine

But I haven’t finished this month’s yet

So I guess I’ll just drink wine

12/3/10

Music Together I

There aren’t too many mommies here

In Music Together class.

I look stupid with the Caribbean nannies

Who can really shake their ass.

12/4/10

The Forecast

I’m not complaining about the cold anymore,

Which I do at this time every year.

I spent my day helping Haitian women

Who are fighting so hard to live here.

12/5/10

Yule Blog: Christmas in New York

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,

We bought you on the sidewalk.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,

We carried you for five blocks.

Your piney smell’s a real treat;

In 700 sq. ft.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,

We hope your trunk has no knots.

O Christmas Tree, Organic Christmas Tree,

We picked you for your straight top.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,

We love that you are pine--Scotch.

Your needles fall along the floor,

A little path to our door.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,

Good thing we aren’t a walk-up.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,

You’re kind of small for Brooklyn Heights.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,

But you look so nice in rainbow lights!

Your star aglow for all to see;

As they drive down the BQE.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,

You’re perfect for our Christmas night!

12/6/10

Old-school Yule

Happy name day to my dad,

Who is named for old Saint Nick.

If I had to choose a dad and Santa,

He’s the one I’d pick.